Time Out

Well, my writing has DEFINITELY fallen off over the past few weeks.  I am working on a new hobby- etching glass and mirrors- and as I am now taking orders for the holidays, most of my spare time is taken up with that.  I am still thinking about the direction of my story every day, and still seem to be stuck, for whatever reason.  It is most frustrating.

However, with the business of my new hobby, and an attempt save my sanity,  have decided to walk away from the story for a little while.  After the holidays, and my days are not taken up with etching, I will resume.  It has been a decision that I have been struggling with, but I have the support of an amazing partner who promises to give me a kick in the @$$ in mid-January if I am still procrastinating. 

So, for a month or so, farewell.  But please, keep checking back in the unlikely event that I am able to get some time to myself to work this block I've got going on, in which case, I will post!  If I don't post before, have an amazing holiday season, and I will write again next year :-p

Realizations

Well, I finally sat my ass down tonight and wrote about 2 pages.  About time!  I haven't written in about a month, and as much as I would like to attribute it to the double tooth extractions I had a few weeks ago, or the writer's block that I've been having, or to the busy-ness of my new schedule with my new hobby of glass etching which I take to craft fairs, really what it boils down to is straight up laziness.

My goal to write a little every has definitely fallen to the wayside over the past few weeks.  I have come to discover that I simply cannot write at home.  There are entirely too many distractions for me and I can't bring myself to ignore everything and sit down and write.  I tried writing at Starbucks and was able to churn out a solid few pages.  I decided that I need to not write at home.  I need to write somewhere else.  And my desire to write a little every day is just not going to happen.  I have a new routine, and in order to get my etching done, and go to the gym at least three times a week, I simply don't have anything left to write at night.  So, I have decided to devote Tuesdays and Thursdays to writing.

After work on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am going to go somewhere in town right after work and write for an hour.  That puts me home around 6:30, which gives me plenty time to make dinner and wind down before I have to go bed.  I generally don't go to the gym on Tuesdays or Thursdays anyway, so I don't really feel the absence of home for that hour. 

I'm hoping this new routine will work out.  Today was day one, and I'm going to give it a few weeks.  If it doesn't work, I'll have to re-evaluate again.  But this is what life is about, right?  Trying new things, adapting, and finding something that works.

Well, I've dropped the ball not only on posting but on writing in general.  I had two teeth extracted a little over a week ago, and I haven't really been thinking about writing.  I have a hard time writing at home now.  There are too many things to distract me, and I haven't been feeling well enough to drag my lazy, tired butt to the library or Starbucks to write.  Now that my stitches are out, I am hoping to get back to the game.

Sat in Starbucks today to write a little, and was able to churn out a solid page.  I'm content with what I wrote, and am looking forward to digging a little deeper into the relationship of two of my main characters.  I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Gabriel Masterson, the random character that appeared earlier.  I know he is going to be a huge player sometime down the road, I'm just not quite sure where, and if he's going to be a good player or a bad player.  It is still undecided. 

I can tell that I am going to need to dwell pretty deeply into his character and see what kind of person he really is.  I think I am going to like him, good player or bad.  I also started getting a little deeper into another character, Jamie, who plays a huge role in the relationship between my two main characters. 

Ahh, I'm giving away too much!

I was able to lose myself briefly in my story again today, but so far, I have not been able to replicate the complete immersion that I experienced when I was writing at the Bangor Public Library.  Somehow, no matter where I am in my house, I find something to distract myself.  I am starting to think that I should take some time during the week, once or twice, to hang out at the library after work and the gym to get some writing done.

My paragraphs from today are ok.  They aren't particularly amazing, but every line of my story can't be perfectly amazing, right? 

I actually had to force myself to walk away from writing tonight.  I am working on a very emotional scene, one that I was unaware that I was so personally attached to.  Jaxon is remembering, and the emotion in those memories are emotions I remember feeling at one point, emotions that I had thought I was able to put to rest.  Emotions that I thought I had dealt with already, analyzed them, accepted them, and then let them go.  I am realizing as I am writing that this might be the case.

I have a terrible habit of taking my feelings and shoving them into a little black box to deal with when I have "more time."  What I am realizing is that I never really deal with them.  I put them in this little black box, shove in the back of my mind and throw away the key and forget that they exist.  Until something pops up that reopens that box, and I am forced to revisit them.  But inevitably, I fight them back into their box.  This can't be healthy.

Perhaps my writing will become more therapeutic that I realized.  Not that I have a book's worth of unsolved emotions, but it has been so long since I have used writing as a form of self- analysis and "therapy" that I had forgotten how powerful my reactions to writing fiction based on similar experiences can be.  The next few pages are going to be hard.  But part of me is looking forward to facing these feelings and actually dealing with them.  And part of me is terrified about what I may rediscover.  What will these feelings hold for me?  Will they set me back, make me question myself and some of my decisions?  Or will they reinforce my beliefs, the values, the very core of who I think I am?

I forced myself not to think about my story for a few days, and just enjoyed spending time with Shawn.  This included going to a friends wedding, a nice date night complete with dinner and a trip to the movies, and yesterday, an incredibly random and spontaneous road trip to Boston, where we wandered around the aquarium, had some delicious Japanese food on the steps on Faneuil Hall (a.k.a Quincy Market), and danced in the water spouts shooting from one of the sidewalks near the aquarium.  The entire day felt like something out of a movie, right down to the kiss we shared under the falling water of the sidewalk spouts.  It was one of the most perfect days I have had all summer.  What a great way to close out Summer 2011 :-)

Today, it was back to the old routine, but even that was somewhat shaken up when I pinched a nerve while trying to avoid a branch while I was mowing.  As a result, I spent a good majority of the day laying on a heating pack on the floor, with Shawn occasionally trying to rub the nerve loose.  I have finally gotten it to a point where I can move around, although my head remains cocked to the left hand side, where the pain is muted.  Tomorrow should be interesting...

I sat down a few minutes ago to start writing for the first time in about a week, and was disappointed to notice that my block is still firmly in place.  I was able to write 2 paragraphs, although whether or not they are solid is certainly up for debate.  I have definitely spent a good deal of time today brainstorming, and I know where I want to go with this, I'm just not quite sure how to get it there.  The spontaneous character I introduced last week has definitely intrigued me, and I have spent quite some time exploring him and where I want to take him, and his relationship with my main character, Jaxon.

Listening to my Pandora mix tonight, with a glass of Sangria, I will try to find some way around my block, even if it is for only a few short paragraphs...

Stuckity stuck stuck

Once again, after an awesome creative streak where I introduced a new character and possibly a second plot line within my original, I am stuck.  I have been staring at my paragraphs for a good 30 minutes, and have come up with nothing.  I'm not sure where to take the story from here.  I think I will, once again, walk away for a bit and try not to force what I've got.

Grrrrr, I hate writer's block!

Last night, I parked myself in a comfortable chair in one of the reading rooms in the Bangor Public Library to write while I waited for my book club to start at 6.  I wrote for 40 minutes, and churned out a little over 1200 words.  I was able to lose myself in my story for the first time in a very long time.  When I looked up after coming out of my writing-daze, I discovered that I had accidentally introduced a new character.  I had no intention of creating another character, but he just manifested in my writing.  The scene and the character were completely accidental, but after going back and re-reading, I love the scene and character.  I am interested to see where my brain takes this, and if I can lose myself in my writing again.

For my birthday, Shawn took me horseback riding today.  My birthday is tomorrow and this was part of my present.  The first part was a lovely dinner at Thistle's on Friday night, where we listened to live jazz.  It has been a mellow weekend, one unfortunately that Shawn has spent feeling a little under the weather.

I sat down to write today, and felt creatively groggy.  I seemed to have a small allergic reaction to the horses, which isn't all that surprising, considering my allergies to cats and hay, so I ended up taking a few Benedryl when we got home and it made me drowsy.  I think that drowsiness translated into my creativity.  I'm not going to try to push it tonight.  I wrote a few sentences and will call it good for the evening.

I had every intention of going to my kickboxing class at the gym today, but my stomach is still slightly unsettled, so I opted to come home and try out a new chicken recipe for dinner and make a simple salad with Greek Vinaigrette dressing.  The chicken is baking in a new honey mustard dressing, and it smells wonderful!  I'm trying to wait for Shawn to get home before I actually eat, but with the smells wafting through the house right now, I have a feeling that it's going to be hard :-)

Now that I finally have the time, I have discovered that I love to cook!  I have never really had the time to site down and make real meals before, but now that I am only working one full time job, and I get home every night before 8 pm, I have time to whip up something, even if it's just a quick, small little something.  I am constantly on the lookout for new, yummy recipes, most of the involving chicken.  I remember loving steak as a kid and now- while I do still love steak- I find myself much more interested in chicken. 

When my chicken went into the oven, I sat down to watch some NCIS and write.  Another 3 paragraphs down today, which makes me feel good.  I feel good about the few paragraphs I wrote, and still feel like I might be able to bust out a few more.  Today is a good day for writing.

My last batch of chicken is finishing up in the oven, and I'm anxiously awaiting Shawn's return from the gym, but I am thinking it's not going to happen :-p

Last night, I went to the Reba McEntire concert with my two sisters, Tricia and Brooklyn.  It was one of the first times that the three of us had had a chance to go out and do something.  It was amazing.  And aside from the fact that I spent some time with two of my favorite people, it was a wonderful show, I love Reba!  It was a great show, and I spent it with great people :-)

Today was a very quiet day at home, which I spent with Shawn, and did a little writing.  I only wrote about 2 paragraphs, but at least it was something.  Shawn and I then went to Great Skates with his brother and sister-in-law to watch people skating, and I think it might be something I want to try.  The people that had been doing it for a long time looked so comfortable and like they were having so much fun.  There were a few old couples skating in sync with each other and it was really cute.

I wrote two solid paragraphs today, and my desire to write a little very day is, so far, working pretty well.  If the words don't flow, I stop.  Even if it's just a sentence, at least I write something.

I haven't been feeling well the last few days, and have been engrossed in yet another great story.  Montana 1948 by Larry Watson.  I spent most of the day Wednesday sleeping, trying to keep my naseua at bay.  I haven't had much in the way of creativity the last few days.  I have been having to really force myself to sit and write, and the writing has certainly not been my usual quality.  So, I thought it best to walk away for a bit.

The weather is getting very chilly, and I'm not quite ready to give up summer.  There are things during autumn that I look forward to; picking apples with Shawn, carving pumpkins and making toasted pumpkin seeds and pumpkin pie with the fill form the pumpkins, walking in piles of leaves in the park.  But I hate that they will be the last days that I spend outside for several months.  I'm not a huge winter person, because I get cold very quickly and have a hard time warming back up. 

But I suppose on the upside, when the snow starts to fly, I will have no excuse to hide from my writing :-)

Well, I definitely didn't get any writing done this week.  My week was taken up with work, the gym, house and car projects, and the amazing book I just finished for my book club, called Garden Spells.  I spent most of my free time engrossed in that book, and it came highly recommended but way exceeded my expectations!

This week, I need to really buckle down and throw at least a page or two out on my story.  Time to get back on track!

The deer came back yesterday.  They didn't hang around as long as the day before, but they did play with me again.  Basically the same way as they played before.

I wrote about 1/2 a page today and felt like the words came a little forced so I backed off.  I checked out two new books from the library and as soon as I finish them, it will make 30 books that I have read since January :-)  And I have enjoyed every book that I have read since then, which is unusual for me.  I typically find at least one book that I don't enjoy throughout the year, but this year, I have enjoyed them all.  I credit most of that to joining two book clubs at the Bangor Public Library.

I backed off the writing today and substituted reading in its place.  Hopefully my writing will be a little more forthcoming tomorrow.  We shall see...

Deer games :-)

After churning out a few paragraphs, I took a break to listen to the rain hitting the roof and watch it slide down my windows.  It is incredibly therapeutic.  One of my favorite sounds in the whole world is the rain.  Shawn and I opened the door to our back porch and stood listening and watching as the rain came down.

Then, we noticed two little baby deer hanging out under one of our pine trees.  They were chasing each other around and shaking their heads when water drops fell on their heads.  Probably one of the cutest things I have seen in a while.  When the rain calmed down and the deer came out to play in the yard, I thought, "What the hell?"  And walked outside barefoot as slowly and quietly as I could.  I got within about 100 feet of one.  It noticed I was there, and started playing with me.  It would run at me to see what I would do, then turn and run sideways.  Then run backwards and then at me again.  It did this three or four times, all the while watching me.

At one point, I had a bug on my leg and lifted my leg to brush it away.  As I did this, the deer lifted its back leg as well while it stared at me.  When I set my foot back down, it lowered its foot.  The second deer was just munching away on the grass behind the first one.  And then Shawn had to go and ruin the moment by moving :-p  He spooked the deer and they ran off.  But still, one of the coolest moments of my weekend was playing Simon Says with a baby deer after a thunderstorm :-)

I've spent the last few days relaxing, and spending time with Shawn.  We haven't really gotten a chance to see each other lately, so my writing has taken a back seat while I  have been catching up with my hunny.

I have been thinking about a scene that I would like to add in, but I just can't figure out a way to fit it.  I know what I want to do, I'm just unsure of how to work it.  If I want to describe everything right up front, or just drop hints and unveil everything later in the story.

I may end up doing what I'm doing with my two different version and just writing it both ways and seeing which I prefer.  It's a lot of extra writing, but if I can get my ideas out and write them well, then I think it's worth it. 

I was able to write almost 2 pages in my second version of my story.  I decided to combine first and third person almost as soon as I started writing.  My initial scene is written in first person and any flashbacks that might happen in third person.  I think the flow is good for right now, and I was able to comfortably fit more emotion into the first scene than when I wrote it in third person the first time. 

I'm going to continue on this track for a bit, and then switch back over to the first version I was working to see how that goes.  I think I'm going to work on both for the time being, but eventually pick one to finish.  Or maybe I'll finish both...  Who knows :-p

Hmmmm....

Apparently, it takes Power Ballads of the 80s to break my writer's block :-p  I wrote 2 pages the other day, and I enjoyed writing them.  They came quickly and smoothly.

I'm about 15 pages into my story right now, and am now toying with another idea.  I started writing in third person, and am beginning to entertain the idea of switching to first person.  I'm not sure which would work best, but I'm finding it hard to describe some of the scenes in third person and feel like changing the perspective might help. 

I'm just not sure if I want to go back and rewrite the entire 15 pages again in a different view.  It would be almost like writing another story entirely.  I had toyed with the idea of writing it anyway, and keeping both drafts going simultaneously.  But I'm concerned that chipping away at 2 stories at once will tap my muse and my creativity.  I am having such great luck (knock on wood) so far with my writing that I am concerned that by tapping it too much it might dry up again. 

I think that tonight I may try to start at the beginning of a first person version of what I have already written so far and see how that goes.  I may try to wrestle with both versions for the time being, and if I find that one of the other flows better, then perhaps I will switch gears and focus on one more than the other.

We'll see I guess.  Tonight, I'm writing to the tune of Waterworld (I love Kevin Costner! :-p) and then following it up with whatever creative mix my Pandora can come up with :-)

Teaser Alert! :-p

So here's a small excerpt from what I've got so far.  I figured that I could everyone a sneak peek at some of the writing, just to keep your interest :-p  And I think I am going to try to write something completely unrelated to my story to try to get through this writer's block.  So it may be a bit before you get updated on the story, but I'll let post what I come up with in the mean time :-p  It could be interesting.  Anyway, enjoy the teaser!

People stared, quietly, at the woman sitting in silence in the corner.  Everyone they had ever known was there, people she loved and cared for.  Yet no one approached her.  They all let her sit, lost in her own quiet world.  Small pockets of conversation could be heard throughout the room, yet she seemed not to register any of it.  She hadn’t moved in well over an hour, not even to brush away the tears that tracked down her beautiful face.  Her mother and father sat on either side of her, fielding questions and conversation so she wouldn’t have to say anything, and for that, she was grateful. 

She didn’t have the energy to talk to those around her; friends, family, co-workers.  The one person she wanted to talk to was at the front of room, but she couldn’t bring herself to go over.  So she stayed with her parents, eyes blurry and unfocused as she tried remembered what it was like to be happy.  It seemed like a lifetime ago when she was happy.

Someone nudged her elbow, and when she looked up, she saw Lee’s brother, a kind smile on his face.  “Hey kid,” he said, the same sad look in eyes that everyone in the room shared.  “It’s almost time.  You ready?”

She finally looked around, saw the pitying looks on the eyes trained on her face, on the pain etched so clearly on her face.  With a trembling sigh, she pushed to her feet.  “No.”  Together with Rick and her parents, she walked to the front of the room, toward the man she loved.

Block :-(

You know, one would think that I would be used to writer's block by now.  But no.  It's stuck right now and just like every other time, it is driving me crazy!  I've finished a pretty emotional scene, and now I just can't seem to get past it.  My flow is all off and I can't get it back on track.

I'm going to change up my music playlist today and see if that helps.  Hopefully, some Nickelback, Stone Sour, Disturbed, and Marilyn Manson can break through this block in my mind.

It's been a rough couple of days for writing.  I spent about 2 hours writing yesterday, and got about 1 and half good pages out of it.  I really wrote about 4 pages, but wasn't really crazy about half of what I wrote, so I spent a good amount of time deleting and rewriting.  I finally settled on a solid few paragraphs with some good dialogue. 

Yesterday was the first chance that I had had to write since the 16th.  It was nice to sit and write for a while, but it felt forced.  I decided to stop when I found that solid page and a half and walk away for a while.  I'm not sure that I will write today.  I think I will give myself and my muse a day to recuperate.  I'm not on a deadline, so really, I am in no hurry to bust out a bunch of pages. 

I am finding myself getting more and more excited to write every day, which is very nice.  My mind is constantly turning with ideas and scenarios that I can add in later.  I am trying to write them down as they pop into my head, but sometimes I'm not in a convenient place to do it.  It happens when I'm driving, or working, or getting ready to fall asleep.  But at least new ideas and creativity are happening. 

I will be working on a few art projects that I have going today, and possibly going out to mow :-)  It should be a nice relaxing day before the work week begins again tomorrow.

Yay for good days!  2 pages written tonight, and one with great dialogue.  I started writing this in the first person, but changed to the third person about half way through.  I went back and changed the view to the third person throughout the rest of the story, re-read it and really like the way it sounds now. 

I've started getting random snippets of scenes in my head that I would like to add to either this story or....***gasp***....  Possibly a sequal!  I have never thought about writing two books before, and the possibility of writing one has always been daunting, so the fact that I actually have almost a clear outline in my head for this story AND a second story is very exciting for me.

I have a lot of support around me for this project, which is definitely something I have always had before, but for some reason, this feels a little different.  This feels like I can actually do it. 

I'm taking some elements from my life thus far and bring them into this fictional scene and situation that I'm creating, and so far, I am pleased with the way it is turning out, and like the way scenes and thoughts pop into my head all day.  Also something new with this project that I can't remember happening with my other project attempts. 

So all in all, I have good feelings and am getting good vibes from this story.  Here's hoping they keep coming!

Well today wasn't such a good day for writing.  I was only able to throw out a paragraph and a half.  But like yesterday, they were good and solid.  I really feel like I am going somewhere with this story, which is a good feeling.  I just have to not get frustrated with how long it will take to get me there.  Until then, I will just keep plugging away at what I have in my head, slow but sure, one sentence at a time.

I was able to make it to the gym for my kickboxing class tonight, which did not happen at all last week, and I am working on a few art/craft projects tonight.  I sat down to write and just couldn't get the words to flow smoothly and so after it felt as though I was pulling them through mud, I stopped.  I will re-evaluate tomorrow, once again :-)

It's been a busy weekend, and a quiet weekend for writing.  I have spent the weekend mostly away from home, running errands and seeing friends.  I did some house/kitty sitting for one of my older sisters in Augusta, and finally came home to relax.  I only wrote 2 paragraphs tonight, but they were a solid, emotional 2 paragraphs.  I'm content with them.  They came easily, and I decided not to push it.

We'll see how tomorrow goes.  I was disappointed not have more time to write this weekend, but hopefully this week will be better.

Today was a good day in general.  I got out of work early to spend some much needed time with my family and meet my new nephew, Jaiden.  It was a great chance to relax and see some people that I miss very much.

With the relaxation under my belt, I was able to write a little bit tonight, although I'm not terribly enthused with what I ended up with.  I've made a few notes with ideas on how to change it (with Shawn's help), and have a pretty solid idea of where I am going to go next.  We'll see how it goes.

I also learned that Microsoft Word has some pretty kick ass editing tools, which I am very excited to play with.  I can make notes on my story in the margins and Word will give me a management pane where I can see all of my notes individually instead of having to scroll through the entire work to find what I'm looking for.  Nifty!

Tomorrow should hopefully be another relaxing day.  I didn't make it to the gym today, but I'm hoping motivation will hit me tomorrow not only for the gym but for the writing.  I only wrote a few paragraphs today, and would like to be able to maybe do several pages tomorrow, if the muse is cooperative.  I hope so :-)

Yesterday was a not so good day for writing.  I didn't really have much time between work and errands to get any writing done.  I was so busy running errands that I didn't even make it to the gym! 

But that's ok, because this is a no-pressure kind of project for myself.  Today will be a little better for writing, I think, as I will be getting out of work early, and after spending time with my family, I should be able to hit the gym for my kickboxing class, and get home with lots of time to relax and write.

I did re-read what I have written so, to myself and aloud to my partner, Shawn, and both of us are pretty satisfied with what I've got started.  I need to also pick up a notebook for myself tonight; probably something small, just to keep with me to make notes and other thoughts that I can add to my story later.

Yesterday was a good day for writing.  I only wrote two pages, and about half of one page was dialogue, which I have always had a problem with.  But yesterday the words came smoothly, which was a nice surprise.  I feel like I could have easily written more than the two pages I turned out in about 20 minutes, but I want to keep the creativity fresh, and walked away when I found a decent stopping point.  I did make some notes to add to the story later.

I'm trying to write this entire thing on my netbook, which is another huge change from the way I normally write.  I have always written in a notebook, and transfered to a computer later, and perhaps that is where part of my problem has been; giving myself double to amount of work.  So I am trying to bypass my favorite step (I love writing and the simple act of writing on paper is very theraputic for me,) and go straight to the computer, which I am pleased to notice so far, has been relatively comfortable.  I think I will continue to make notes in a notebook with a pen and transfer them to the computer when I feel it's necessary.

Hopefully, my muse is as active tonight as she was last night :-)

What's different this time...

I have been asking myself why I think this attempt is going to be any different from my many other attempts to write a book.  I always start, get maybe 100-200 pages in and just stop.  My creativity just seems to dry up.  I remember trying to force myself to write, and how hard it was to churn pages when I forced myself to write.  The pages didn't come easily, the words seemed stuck, and the quality of the writing suffered.

This time, I am only going to try to sit down and write every day, if possible, and if the writing doesn't come, I'm not going to force it.  I am going to try to let my creativity flow on its own. 

For the first time in all of my attempts, I have a clear outline in my head of how I want this story to go, and what I want to happen.  Before, I would just write and let the story go where it wanted.  As a result, I ended up with fragmented thoughts and paragraphs, with a story that did not flow.

I am going to take it one sentence at a time, and not give myself a deadline.  I want to write this story, and I want to write it well.

And it begins :-)

Yesterday, I started one of the biggest projects of my life so far.  I decided to try to finally write that book people keep nagging me about :-)  I have a really solid idea in my head and for the first time in years, when I sat down to write yesterday, it came easily.

I also decided to keep track of my progress here, another insentive to myself to keep chipping away at this project.

I will leave my first post at this, a short sweet introduction.  Next time, I will give some details and some background on how many times I have started, and failed at this project, and why I am hoping this one will be different :-)