Well, I've dropped the ball not only on posting but on writing in general.  I had two teeth extracted a little over a week ago, and I haven't really been thinking about writing.  I have a hard time writing at home now.  There are too many things to distract me, and I haven't been feeling well enough to drag my lazy, tired butt to the library or Starbucks to write.  Now that my stitches are out, I am hoping to get back to the game.

Sat in Starbucks today to write a little, and was able to churn out a solid page.  I'm content with what I wrote, and am looking forward to digging a little deeper into the relationship of two of my main characters.  I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Gabriel Masterson, the random character that appeared earlier.  I know he is going to be a huge player sometime down the road, I'm just not quite sure where, and if he's going to be a good player or a bad player.  It is still undecided. 

I can tell that I am going to need to dwell pretty deeply into his character and see what kind of person he really is.  I think I am going to like him, good player or bad.  I also started getting a little deeper into another character, Jamie, who plays a huge role in the relationship between my two main characters. 

Ahh, I'm giving away too much!

I was able to lose myself briefly in my story again today, but so far, I have not been able to replicate the complete immersion that I experienced when I was writing at the Bangor Public Library.  Somehow, no matter where I am in my house, I find something to distract myself.  I am starting to think that I should take some time during the week, once or twice, to hang out at the library after work and the gym to get some writing done.

My paragraphs from today are ok.  They aren't particularly amazing, but every line of my story can't be perfectly amazing, right? 

I actually had to force myself to walk away from writing tonight.  I am working on a very emotional scene, one that I was unaware that I was so personally attached to.  Jaxon is remembering, and the emotion in those memories are emotions I remember feeling at one point, emotions that I had thought I was able to put to rest.  Emotions that I thought I had dealt with already, analyzed them, accepted them, and then let them go.  I am realizing as I am writing that this might be the case.

I have a terrible habit of taking my feelings and shoving them into a little black box to deal with when I have "more time."  What I am realizing is that I never really deal with them.  I put them in this little black box, shove in the back of my mind and throw away the key and forget that they exist.  Until something pops up that reopens that box, and I am forced to revisit them.  But inevitably, I fight them back into their box.  This can't be healthy.

Perhaps my writing will become more therapeutic that I realized.  Not that I have a book's worth of unsolved emotions, but it has been so long since I have used writing as a form of self- analysis and "therapy" that I had forgotten how powerful my reactions to writing fiction based on similar experiences can be.  The next few pages are going to be hard.  But part of me is looking forward to facing these feelings and actually dealing with them.  And part of me is terrified about what I may rediscover.  What will these feelings hold for me?  Will they set me back, make me question myself and some of my decisions?  Or will they reinforce my beliefs, the values, the very core of who I think I am?

I forced myself not to think about my story for a few days, and just enjoyed spending time with Shawn.  This included going to a friends wedding, a nice date night complete with dinner and a trip to the movies, and yesterday, an incredibly random and spontaneous road trip to Boston, where we wandered around the aquarium, had some delicious Japanese food on the steps on Faneuil Hall (a.k.a Quincy Market), and danced in the water spouts shooting from one of the sidewalks near the aquarium.  The entire day felt like something out of a movie, right down to the kiss we shared under the falling water of the sidewalk spouts.  It was one of the most perfect days I have had all summer.  What a great way to close out Summer 2011 :-)

Today, it was back to the old routine, but even that was somewhat shaken up when I pinched a nerve while trying to avoid a branch while I was mowing.  As a result, I spent a good majority of the day laying on a heating pack on the floor, with Shawn occasionally trying to rub the nerve loose.  I have finally gotten it to a point where I can move around, although my head remains cocked to the left hand side, where the pain is muted.  Tomorrow should be interesting...

I sat down a few minutes ago to start writing for the first time in about a week, and was disappointed to notice that my block is still firmly in place.  I was able to write 2 paragraphs, although whether or not they are solid is certainly up for debate.  I have definitely spent a good deal of time today brainstorming, and I know where I want to go with this, I'm just not quite sure how to get it there.  The spontaneous character I introduced last week has definitely intrigued me, and I have spent quite some time exploring him and where I want to take him, and his relationship with my main character, Jaxon.

Listening to my Pandora mix tonight, with a glass of Sangria, I will try to find some way around my block, even if it is for only a few short paragraphs...

Stuckity stuck stuck

Once again, after an awesome creative streak where I introduced a new character and possibly a second plot line within my original, I am stuck.  I have been staring at my paragraphs for a good 30 minutes, and have come up with nothing.  I'm not sure where to take the story from here.  I think I will, once again, walk away for a bit and try not to force what I've got.

Grrrrr, I hate writer's block!